Beauty Pageant Questions
by: KK

Copyright @2001
 

These are the top ten questions that I would like to hear asked in beauty pageants. Since we are all aware that your primary goal is to save the world...then let's hear a little more about you personally. That way, when you actually do save the world, we can worship you for the person you really are, not the one you fake on television.

10. How many men have you had sex with? At one time?

9. Have you ever had sex with another girl? When and with whom?

8. How much hairspray does it take to get that fresh "just took off the helmet" look?

7. Who convinced you that playing an accordion was a talent?

6. Did you put your make-up on with a putty knife or a spatula?

5. Can you spell the word "cat"? Can you spell?

4. When was your last meal?

3. How many of the judges did you sleep with to make it to the top 5?

2. What was your breast size before the boob job?

and the number one question:

1. Do you swallow?

Bonus Question: After you save the world, won't you be bored?
 

Readers Respond

04.19.03

1. K-Says...The fact that an honor roll student has such atrocious grammar and spelling speaks volumes for the education system in our country. Another trailer park beauty queen that will be barefoot and pregnant by her Senior year in special ed.
The pregnant part is not hard to figure out, since she advertises on AOL that she's already engaged and still in high school.
ok, you must have had people putting you down ur whole life. you seem to me that you have serious inner peobelms. i compete in beauty pageants and i bet you im even smarter than you are, yea i may only be in high school but at least i have manners. its sounds to me that you are prolly jealous of pageant girls and you never got to do pageants so you are sore at the whole pageant world. well guess what. i am in the national honor society, i am president of my drama club, i have a 4.0, i am on the dance team and the colorgurad. you need to get your facts stairght about pageants before you go off sayin these stupid bitter things. for you info it if very hard to make it in the pageant world if you are fake!!! pageants are more of an intelligence contset more than beauty. and if you get mad about this email ur freakin stupid b/c yea im judging you!! how does it feel to be judged?? b/c guess what!!! you just judged everyone in pageants. you need to get a grip on life and stop stereotypin people and actually get a life!!!!!

babygurlkjs

12.27.02

You are a negative person with a negative platform.
You waste your time making fun at other people and
girls who are working to make this world a better place. I accidentally
came upon your disgusting website and thought you were repulsive. You
must have lost in a beauty pageant when you were younger because they saw
your inner self.
Susan, age 51
San Diego, California

K-Says...Yup, you're right. Losing that "Miss Negativity" title to you
sent my inner self into a downward spiral and has forever scarred me.
Your negative comments rocked my platform and have left me overwhelmed
with emotion and I fear that I can't control the tears. Hold
on....ok....I'm over it. I must get back to work. Your E-Mail
interrupted me while writing my next article on how to be disgusting and
repulsive towards puppies and kittens.


Dear Susan,

I frequent K-Says and saw your posted comments. I find your response
insulting, ignorant and uncalled for. You obviously haven't read many of
the articles posted on this site, and the ones you have far surpassed your
intelligence level. The negativity comes from you....insults and
adjectives such as "repulsive" and "disgusting" actually make YOU the
troubled one. I find her articles fascinating, humorous, thought
provoking and sometimes closer to the truth than some might admit. Did
you choose to the read the articles on cancer, bikini waxes, and post
marriage dating? I assume with the use of the word "platform" that YOU are
the one who tried to walk down the crowning runway...obviously

the articles on beauty pageants hit a chord!
When K writes her first published work, don't stop into the book store for
your signed copy. If she even acknowledges you after your jabs, she will
sign YOUR copy "Negatively Yours, K".

Keep Writing.....K
Cyber Sexy

12.20.02

K,
Your web site is absolutely hysterical. I got scammed into being a beauty
pageant judge. I told my wife I was bringing looks back into the equation and
wanted to come up with some out of the ordinary questions to ask the
contestants. I surfed to your site and your list and about wet myself. I got
so intrigued I spent the majority of my working day reading most of what's out
there. Your writing style is fabulous and it's good to find another with the
same twisted sense of humor as myself.
Thanks,
Dave

08.12.02

I just read your 10 questions you want to be asked at a beauty pageant.
Although, I'm sure you menat it in a humorous way, I was rather offended
by it because I compete in pageants. Can you tell me what is wrong with
women trying to make a difference in their communities? I know pageants
have developed a stigma about them and women being fake and all, but these
women have so much courage, integrity, and even compassion for people like
you. And may I add, I am a teenager that competes in pageants as well and
the benefits that I have gotten out of competeing is more than you could
ever imagine...MileHi

K-Says...Since having a sense of humor is not one of the talent
competitions, I won't deduct points from you for not having one. Might I
suggest a comedy class? You got me with the courage thing...I'm positive
that I would be completely humiliated to walk across a stage with Vaseline
on my teeth and wearing duct tape to keep my swimsuit from crawling up my
crack. Integrity is an interesting topic...my dog shows more integrity
licking his balls than a girl/woman trying to impress a bunch of strangers
with what a princess that she thinks she is. Compassion and
communities...here we go sweetie...listen up. You're berating letter, on
a cancer patient who still has a sense of humor after all that I've been
through, shows that you had better look up the word compassion...practice
what you preach. I've been in and out of hospitals for the last several
months and not once did you practice community service and come visit me.
I was so disappointed. Tell me when your next competition will be
televised...which one are you? Miss Dazed & Confused??


08.16.02

Dear MileHi...

After reading your comments on "10 Questions You Want To Be Asked At A
Beauty Pageant", I was compelled to respond to you.
Your feelings on beauty pageants are appreciated, unfortunately, you
naivety isn't. You are obviously very young and you have been primped by
you mother to believe that this outlet of self gratification and ego
stroking is really a way of you saving the planet, when in fact, it is
not. To believe that these women (as you put it) have courage, integrity
and compassion is a complete crock of nonsense. Please tell me what war
these girls have served in to be courageous? What selfless act have they
accomplished that earned them the title of Miss Integrity? As for
compassion, you have not been in enough pageants yet to realize that these
girls are back-stabbing, political "attention mongers" whose mothers will
bribe, steal and manipulate the system to get their daughters to achieve
their mother's dreams. After receiving the crown, does "Miss Teenage
Whatever" go on tour being goodwill ambassadors to victims of starvation?
No...they go back to high school flaunting their crown and banner, show up
at local 4-H Fairs, and flea markets waving at the crowd. The stigma has
been earned by past behavior. What have you done for your community
lately that warranted you wearing a gown and tiara? You are in need of
attention. I assume your talent doesn't include the need to command the
English language since your grammar and spelling are atrocious. Believe
me, without that, your dreams of being Miss America will never be achieved.
Please print out this response and keep it under your pillow. Take it out
in 5 years and read it again. You will be amazed what a little experience
will show. How do I know this? I was a teenage beauty queen just like
you. Be smart...focus on yourself. If you need the approval of a panel of
judges, an audience of people applauding and a trophy on your shelf to
validate your existence, you are not naive after all. You are an idiot,
have issues and need a good therapist. Please feel free to share these
thoughts with your mother.
BPM

08.23.02
.

Some how I came across your website and thought it was stupid. I know a
few people that have been in pageantsand they are very successful, intelligent and happy people. Are you just a
bit too dumb and/or ugly to participate in such a thing? Think about it?
It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder so it is easier to put
down others than look in the miror- I would be scared to !

Angela H

K-Says...Successful at what...oral sex, hooking on the streets, working
the fast food lane??
Dumb & Ugly?? I like to refer to myself as outrageously sagacious, down
right ingenious and considering that I made enough money, off of my looks,
to feed a small country...then I am somewhere near breathtakingly
pulchritudinous.
Too many big words beauty queen supporter?
Feel free to borrow the chip off of my shoulder and choke yourself with
it.


Dear Angela,

You obviously were a pageant child, or maybe it put you through college?
Were you crowned "Miss-represented", "Miss-understood",
"Miss-elaneous",Miss-taken"? or just "Miss-ing the Point"??????
Pageant Queens are unfulfilled Prom Queens who can't let it rest- they are
insecure, needing applause, don't feel pretty without makeup, use their
"chaperones" as personal therapists, and end up with distorted images of
themselves, prompted by their mothers who are living out their own
insecurities and failed dreams through their daughters! The trophies are
only good for doorstops once they grow up, and the banners could choke you
from the depression over your first wrinkle! The platforms they choose
are the politically correct thing at the time, okay, so they read the
newspapers!
The judges are subjective, Who likes blondes? Who likes redheads? do you
prefer baton twirling or hula dancing....
I can guarantee you, most of them are sitting in therapists chairs with
dysfunctional feelings of inadequacy, eating disorders and failed
marriages because the hubby couldn't stand being poked by the tiara in bed
at night when she couldn't take the damn thing off! You say "you know
people who have been in pageants" but with such a strong opinion of
pageant contestants, you are either too dumb and ugly yourself, a stalker
for one, or a lesbian with a beauty queen babe you are protecting!

08.06.02

your dating diaries and a few of your other stories. You are really funny.
I enjoyed your humor. I found your site from Dans Wild World of Humor. I
also write stories and if you want to read any they are at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ca/pompomontheweb/stories.html 
S. Cooper